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-The folowing spoiler of "Signs" was written by the editor of RANT Magazine.

Signs

Mel Gibson has two personas; Macho ("Mad Max", "Lethal Weapon") or Wussie "Conspiracy Theory" Mel. He was such a wimp in Signs, I think the director was making a statement about gay priests. He's unable to even curse, when he runs he flails his arms in the air and he can't throw a baseball.

I enjoyed the film, its riddled with suspense because early on it becomes obvious there will be no sense of reasoning. You don't know what might happen next!

Once it is determined via breaking news, that indeed, aliens are hovering earth, Mel decides to turn off the TV and put it in the closet. Yeah, here's a guy I want in charge.

The theory in the news reports, is that the crop circles are for alien ship navigation. To this, I say to my date "that's ridiculous", but use of logic is soon proven wrong as the movie later confirms that they are, indeed so the aliens can navigate. So let me see…the Aliens navigated through deep space for several light years but when they finally get to earth they depend on road signs in corn fields? What? Is the auto pilot Asian or something?

As advanced as these extraterrestrials are, you'd think they could have ordered a compass off of the Internet.

Another stroke of genius is that the aliens not only run around naked without space suits, (or underwear) but they have an allergy to water that is only matched by a Republican reaction to a tax break for middle-class America.

Apparently when the aliens are even touched by water they die. Easy to see why no bottled water manufacturers grabbed this opportunity for branding.

If they know they can't get wet, why didn't they bring some sort of umbrella weapon or something?

On the spaceship two million miles away from Earth “Captain, our sensors indicate that this Earth planet is 90% covered in water..." Captain unable to utilize water to clean smeared bugs off windshield, "Nonsense!".  

"But Captain, one of our earlier scout ships sucked up a cow and..."

"I said Nonsense! That's just an urban legend!"

Definitely not the sharpest aliens in the world. It's easier to see how they would need crop circles to figure out where they're going when its discovered they can't navigate their way out of a pantry.

Mel and the gang live in the stereotype "middle of nowhere", Midwest where, as everyone knows these days, even the deer are packing. Yet, he has no rifle. Nor does anyone in this town have any firearms. They don't even have a match. It's a good thing the aliens are killed by water. I'm kind of surprised they're not killed by corn.

Its also a good thing Mel wasn't in his Mad Max mode, because the movie would have been over in 2 minutes.

If you'd like to submit a movie review or an After Movie Review of your own, e-mail RANT, with the words "MOVIE REVIEW" in your subject line. Be sure to include a "pen name" you would like to be identified with, and an email address where we can forward you comments made about your review.