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John du Pont...
what's not to like? Here's a guy with, what? $48 million stuffed in
his shorts and he still finds the time to take the tank for a spin to the neighbor's
house during the "Blizzard of '96”.
Did you hear about this? It seems John, the sole heir to the du Pont chemical
fortune owns an armored tank and the neighbor's wife described, “He was driving
over trees on his way over our house and upon his arrival in the front yard,
he popped his bleeding head out of the hatch and asked if my husband could 'come
out and play' ”.
John was also seen to have driven 2 luxury cars, one after the other, into
a pond on his 800 acre property. RANT is still trying to find out which
car manufacturer holds this honor.
This *IS* a pretty down to earth guy though. After all, if he were a snob,
he'd have had the CHAUFFEUR drive while he sat as the passenger in the back
seat on the phone to the Psychic Friends Network or something. Why though would
you destroy your car this way? And why be so redundant as to do it twice?
Admit it. If you're a woman, you're thinking, “Why can't *I* get a date with
a guy like this?” But wait, because as if by some cruel twist of fate, John
unbeknownst to us all, quite suddenly "slips off his rock" and murders somebody;
then retreats to his mansion where he holds himself hostage for 2 days.
I understand that after a few days being holed up in his mansion surrounded
by a 35 member swat team, 85 officers, and the Dunkin' Doughnuts guy; he "strolled"
outside to see if he could fix the heat that the police had purposely disconnected.
I admit it, when I heard of this ending... milk came out of my nose. Doesn't
this seem like something Bugs Bunny would do? Kinda stroll over to the SWAT
guy standing guard over the heatpump while munching on a carrot?
What was this genius thinking? “Hmmmmm... a little chilly in here... those
sharp-shooters covering the house are blocking out most of the sun... better
go outside and throw some more coal in the boiler”. Now as soon as this idiot
left the house the police, of course, arrested him. Can you imagine the
embarrassment? Mr. du Pont was heard saying, “Wait, wait... I wanna do this
over.”
You see its *JUST* these kind of incidents that keep us from being
contacted by aliens!
One guy like this can screw it up for us all! If John had any public decency,
he would have dropped at least one of these cars on Dick Clark.
Play Doctor! Send a
comment about this article.
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